oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
