just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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