she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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