So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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