Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
