Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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