Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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