I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you didnt know i had herpes?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
