is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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