did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Randomize
