I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
