Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize