so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
