wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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