Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
