Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Is Oprah even human
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
