i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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