I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
