Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
