he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
