I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
