I think I won the penis lottery.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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