well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
