I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
