I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
