It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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