She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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