He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize