So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
