are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
