you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
