I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I think my moral compass just broke
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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