you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
