Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
