Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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