i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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