i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
