my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
bring money and cleavage
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
