I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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