girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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