I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
