Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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