she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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