I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
