and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
high people should be assigned attendants
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize