Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
