Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
