He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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