I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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