Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
