I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
