My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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