Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Who did Billy Mays play for?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
