i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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