Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
