Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
