There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
