Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
