no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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