Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
