Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Randomize
