one word: firstdatebathroomanal
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
