his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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