I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
