If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
