Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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