I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
