im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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