making cat noises will not fix the situation.
she peed on how many people?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
