Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
