i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize