Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
