I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize