She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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