Non-Jews are for practice
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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