I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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