I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
