He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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