you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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