So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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