Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
