time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
