she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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