I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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