spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
