If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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