do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
whose parrot is this?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
