By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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