Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
