It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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