So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
