My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
