I feel like I'm in dance class right now
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
