i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
