I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
