At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
