walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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