I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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