She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
