so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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