my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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