Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize