9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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