After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
