I faked an abortion last night.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
