I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
