I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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