i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
