Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
