just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
