Fine. I'll sleep in my office
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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