At least make sure they are 18
Why
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
