Rock
Scissors
Fuck
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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