she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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