First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
He kissed a someone with a penis
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
