I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Randomize
