I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
